Monday, February 18, 2008

pots in the fire

So, after about 12 hours of feeling like crap, I can say I am feeling much better after a bowl of soup and a 100 calorie pack of brownies. (five 1"X1" squares, a jip)

Through the laying on couches at work and now here at home, I have been trying to think of more pleasant things other than how nauseated I was and how my abdomen ached like I had just finished 500 crunches from all the vomiting and retching.

I never got a wink of sleep/nap/whatever. I was hoping to catch a little bit of unconsciousness, just to lapse from the misery I was in for just a small moment of time and relief. No dice.

I finally decided to get up, attend to the nursing office in hopes that just being active could make me feeling better. It sort of worked, but not the greatest result. I ended up running to the bathroom again in the middle of the students eating lunch. I'm sure they really would have loved to know that I did that. Glad I didn't say anything.

So after lunch, my coworker Phyllis out of nowhere says that I belong here in California. Left field. According to her there are plenty of places in the area that are affordable. IE: a house that would cost $80,000 in St. Louis would be a mere $500,000 out here. yeah right. I can see the bank man offering me that loan....

Of course, it's always been some retarded dream of mine to live here in California. That's one of the main reasons I jumped at the clinic job. Funny that this thought came up today. I have been having alot of issues lately where the hell I even belong.

St. Louis?

Where? I have no foggy idea. There would be a e obstacles I would have to clear before I even thought about making a complete move out here. I hope to stay as long as I can just for the sake of it.

My mother has been hounding me to move back home and going back to school to get my degree. I have no idea. I have some weird feeling that if I left here at the end of May, I would be quitting or giving up somehow.. I hate that feeling, and the last thing I want to do is quit or give up.

I have at least 2 months to think about this before I need to make an ultimate decision once posed by Big Audio Dynamite...Should I stay or should I go?

One of my biggest problems is the fact that I have way too much time on my hands to think about all this stuff. I am going to try and find other means to occupy my time. ANy suggesions?

No comments: