Thursday, June 5, 2008

Adulthood is the Devil

At the age of 21, no matter how mature you think you are, you just aren't. This goes for every type of struggle, every type of person.

I thought I was super mature when I walked into the front doors of Sanford-Brown and made the steps to go to nursing school. When I made the moves and the decisions, you couldn't sway me to do otherwise. An with how stubborn I am, I know now (well, I knew a long time ago) that I should have listened to a few people.

I should have tried another nursing program that would have helped me achieve my RN, instead of being stuck in LPN limbo. We get treated like crap, disrespected, we're underpaid, and have to work 10 times as hard just to show we can do what we can do. We are usually looked down on in the nursing community, civilians usually don't think we're a real nurse, and most people think we are glorified nurses aides.

Since I began nursing in February of 2000, I have worked in nursing homes (were most people think LPN's belong) a medical/surgical/teaching/oncology ward for 4 years, cardiac for 8 months, and then to Alaska, where I did so much, I barely had room on my resume to put it on without someone losing interest.

I have helped babies come into the world and I have helped the elderly and very ill find the light. I am good at what I do, and I actually like what I do. My latest assignment has fond me at the Western Blind Rehabilitation Center in Palo Alto at the VA Hospital. I have been here for 6 months, and I am drawing my time here to a close. I have a little over 2 more weeks, and I couldn't have more ants in my pants to get out of California. This is something I never thought I would say: California just isn't for me. These are words that feel like chest pains and a punch in the stomach both at the same time.

Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to live here. But my experiences, downfalls, and disappointments over the last 8 months have almost broken my naive little heart in a way. I have always had an overomantacized view of things, and California was no different. If I ever get down to it, I'll write a book, and finally release to everyone why getting this job was one big mistake.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of fun since I have been here. I have seen almost everything there is to see, both north and south, experienced lovely weather, enjoyed visits to LA and had both my parents visit me as well. I have made a handful of friends as well, but all these are no reason to stay.

No one has seemed to understand me when I say that there is something in the air that doesn't sit right with me. As much as I would like to say lack of humidity, anyone who lives in it would know that's not the case. The people I work with are great, people at the VA are nice and easy to work with, the facility is perfect, and the area couldn't have more interesting trees, plant life, and weather. So what's the deal? Too many bad things that happened, and not enough good things either. It's funny, because everyone so far has begged me to stay. It's just not enough for me I guess. I really wish things would have turned out the way that I had hoped, but I have just decided to roll with the punches, and clock my experiences here as lessons learned and life lived.

If you would have told me that I would be doing this type of work 10 years ago, I would have scoffed and turned my nose at the idea. I cannot believe that I have done all the incredible things I have in the past 10 years, and I really wouldn't trade any of it. I know now that the grass may be greener on the other side, it just might not be as easy to walk on.

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