Here I am, sitting here at the computer at work with nothing but time on my hands knowing I am stuck here until 8:15 AM in the morning, unable to be doing what I would rather....working out and relaxing.
I am leaving at around 9 PM tonight for the lower 48 for 2 weeks. I will be seeing my mom for her birthday, Dad for Father's Day, and I will be attending my 10 year HS reunion.
Mom and Dad I can handle. The 5 hour drive to St. Louis from Memphis I can take. I am scared shitless to go see people from HS who had potentially at one point in time, made my life a living hell.
HS was an unusual time for me, as well as 99% of all other teenagers all around the globe I guess. I wanted to fit in, I sort of did. I wanted to stand out, and I totally made sure of that. I was ok with all the little groups I suppose and I was fairly 'popular' I guess. All I know is that I waited 4 years to walk across that stage and say goodbye to some of the most painful years of my life. I did, and with quite a wonderfully relieving giant roar and applause from the audience at the football field that night. Much was to my surprise, but also to my relief.
So, now 10 years later, I have a killer resume. I joined the Army and was in for 8 years as a reservist. First I was a firefighter, then I became a nurse. I have been all over the country and now I am a travel nurse working in a bush hospital in Nome, Alaska.
What am I afraid of? I have been relentlessly working out since December. I have lost fat, but the scales haven't moved as far as weight. Why am I complaining? I have no idea. Oh well, I think I am just babbling now.
I guess I wanna come back as the girl who got hot or something.
All in all, I think all the anxiety I have had over the years might actually go away after I receive some sort of any form of vindication that I am not a complete loser.
We shall see.