Thursday, November 15, 2007

MEN:If you are trying to meet that special someone via the internet, here are a few tips:

1) If you have the haircut or eyeglasses that resemble anything Jeffrey Dahmer wore, you should change that immediately. No one in interested in pedophliac, cannibalistic, murderer types.

2) If you want people to know how great you look and how built you are muscularly, don't flex. that's terribly pathetic. Are you sure you have some brain cells left from all those steroids?

3) My advice on web-cam pics....If you are going to take one via web-cam, make sure your room is clean BEHIND you!!! Women want MEN, not messy boys!

4) Pics that show your softer side by posing with children that are not yours or cute doggies don't fly. We see right through that. We are not interested if you like kids, pet animals, or have nieces or nephews that you are the fun uncle to play with. That may actually put you in the class behind rule number one.

5) If the first interest you list is to cuddle, you need to go to therapy. If that's all you want to do, there are some serious deep rooted issues for why that is. Women don't want to meet you and then go right to cuddling. To be honest, we want you to pay for the date, open the door, and not call us again if we go to the bathroom and don't come back.

6) Post a random candid picture that one of your friends took. We can see the reflection of your digital camera taking the photo in the mirror. If you cannot post a pic that a friend took, you either need to find a friend to do so, or go out and make friends instead of surfing for chicks all day on the internet.

7) DO NOT list R. Kelly as one of your heroes. That makes you a freak, so stop peeing on under-aged girls.

8) We are not interested if you are a pro at video games. We know what's up. And we don't want to hang out with you if you are going to glue your face to the TV and your hands are permenetly damaged from continuous use of the controller.

9) We are not at all interested of the picture you captured with you posing in front of your expensive car, truck or SUV. We are not all that shallow. If you feel the need to seem more attractive by purchasing a vehicle to justify your manhood, maybe you should have spent that $25,000 on a plastic surgeon.

10)And last but not least, I will say this: Just because you feel the need to tell me that I am perfect for you, does not mean you are anywhere near right for me. case in point, women are perfect to begin with. It takes one hell of a man to be able to be the one we chose to be with.