So I have been here in Nome, Alaska since the middle of November. I fell in love at the first moment I was able to take in the city and explore it. I have had some really good times and made some really good friends here.
When I was living in Memphis last year, the one thing I wanted was to be successful, go back to school, get my RN degree, and be able to make enough money to support myself. That didn't happen. I became unhappy very quickly, and decided first thing that I was going to remain distant, and try not to make many friends, so that it wouldn't be so hard when I left. I made a handful, and they are all the best of friends that one can hope to have.
I get the opportunity to distance myself from everyone and everything that I felt could have possibly been making me fail in life, and I find myself 4,000 miles away. Without even thinking, I put my guard down, only thinking that I would be here for 3 months, and then I would be moving on to my next travelling assignment.
I decided to re-up and stay an extra 3 months until the end of May, thinking that it would be so hard for me to leave when the time came, and I would buckle and re-up for another 3. Not gonna happen this time. I was able to take a 2 week trip back home to St. Louis and a week in Memphis. It was really nice for me except for the fact that I was ill for about half of it. I got to see many of my friends and family, and of course, my favorite thing o do anywhere I've lived...EAT AT MY FAVORITE PLACES!
So I come back to Nome, excited to see what else my life has in store for me. The anticipation of Iditarod was on my mind. Well, it came and went, and for some weird reason, my brain went thinking on overtime, and I came to the realization of a few things. I really am not very happy here anymore. I have no idea what I thought would come to be that I stayed for an extra 3 months. All I foresee now is 2 more months of mundane existence, just dredging through the day to day trying to get it all done and over with. I feel I have been too far away from reality and from being in touch with what matters.
I love my friends here, and I know that the ones I have made while in Nome are going to be once in a lifetime thing, and I won't be able to find other people to fill their shoes. I'll miss my roommate dearly, for the companionship. I'll miss my friend Bridgett for the buddy support of going to the gym. I'll miss most of my coworkers for they have truly been the best people to work with. I'll miss Missy's sarcasm. I'll miss Sandi knocking on my door looking for someone to watch movies with. I'll miss Corky telling me repeatedly that I need to go back to school and get my RN degree. The list goes on.
No, there has been no man here that I have become fond of. No there really isn't anything else I want to do. Except maybe rent a car and go back up to Anvil Mountain and take pictures.
I am ready to leave, and I am going to fulfill the commitment I made for the extra 13 weeks I promised to stay. I can't deny it, I need the money.
I still have to do my taxes, pay the state of MO 1,300 bux, pay off my folks and other things here and there.
I want to go home. I miss my cats. I miss my family and friends. I miss ST. Louis. I even miss Memphis. I need to move on. I had some sort of epiphany the other day that told me that you can't move on while staying the same place. Besides, what kind of traveller would I be if I stayed in the same place?
For about 3 or 4 months or so I had this ridiculous idea in my head that I was going to get an assignment in an undisclosed location, and everything would be taken care of. I really don't feel like letting anybody on about why. For those of you that know the story, we'll just leave it at that. I snapped to reality
Now I have thoughts about going to certain places around the country, and maybe being able to spend 3 months at a time letting certain things go. I have some ideas, but for the most part, I know it would be better if I went where I didn't know anyone. But really, who knows what will be good or better for me? All I know is I wanna pay off my debts and go back to school, and like I said, maybe be able to settle down somewhere and make a life for myself.
Winning the lottery would be nice.
But when it comes to that age old question of whether you would rather know or not know? I'd rather know so I could at least prep better.
I'm just itching to find out where I can go next. I'm ready.