You know you're a nurse when..
1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to
save your ass, not kiss it!"
2) you occasionally park in the space with the
"physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) you own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them.
6) you believe there's a special place in hell for the
inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse"
causes it to get worse just to show you it can
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work
in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you
consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've ever placed a bet
on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) you've told a confused p atient that your name is that
of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago's
17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying...
some are unconscious.
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical
sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time
correcting everyone and pointing out upside down
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on
your chest. Soon.
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal
is perfectly normal to you
23 ) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a
27) you believe that the government should require
permits to reproduce.
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone
who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) you have ever wanted to write a book entitled
"Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the
eye and say "I hav e no id ea how that got stuck in there."
31) you've had to leave a patient's room before
you begin to laugh uncontrollably.